1. Guilt- You feel guilty about removing yourself from the cycle and leaving your parent alone. All your life you've been taught to defer to their needs so making a decision to prioritize yourself feels wrong. All you have to keep you no contact is the pain they've caused you when they mercilessly attacked you last. You feel disoriented by their blatant disregard for your wellbeing and just want to feel safe.
What to do: Keep going >> You need to get in touch with your inner child and get clear on who and what you are standing up for. A lot may not make sense at the moment, but you know you are being mistreated. Respect that and protect yourself. Ask questions later.
2. Fear- You are afraid that you are making a mistake and will regret the time you're not spending with your parent. You worry about how you will feel when they die. You fear that your life will collapse around you without their approval and doubt your ability to manage your life without them. You feel helpless and weak without their support.
What to do: Get Support>> Own your healing journey. Going no contact is a big deal. Get yourself some support in the form or therapy that honors your experience. You need to get close and personal with the details of your past and make room for the wave of memories that is about to flood over you. You need loving, empathic support to hear you out when the flashback, rage fits, and crying spells hit.
3. Self Loathing- You are filled with anger and feel burdened by the responsibility of caring for yourself. You reject your inner child and abuse them in place of your missing parent. You neglect self care. You make reckless choices. You abuse substances. Sleep too much. Withdraw. Shut down.
What to do: Take it easy>>Practice giving yourself grace and keep in mind that you are suffering loss. Going no contact is triggering the simulation of your parent's death. It is the process of orphaning and re-parenting. Give yourself permission to just fall apart without judging yourself for what it looks like. Your inner child is your new full time job and learning to love them they way your parent never could comes with a learning curve.
4. Regression- You miss your parent and just want to be normal. You might break no contact, only to be disappointed again. You might throw yourself into a bad relationship or surround yourself with toxic friends. Gain weight. Drug out. Get fired. Do something your normally wouldn't.
What to do:Spend some time alone>> It might be the last thing you feel like doing, but make some time to just be with yourself. Try soothing activities that offer opportunity for reflection like nature walks, long baths, or solo road trips. The spiral you feel caught in has a bottom and you will find it within yourself.
5. Repression- You have done some work and feel alright, until you don't. You thought you moved on, only to be confronted with the same character flaw again. You feel healed, but can't move forward for some reason and try as you might, you can't break the cycles of depression and dysfunction in your life.
What to do: Try Acupuncture>> Acupuncture treatment for PTSD, specifically, is a game changer for the no contact journey. It involves the insertion of needles into 5 different pressure points in the ear and WILL push repressed thoughts, feelings, and memories to the surface. Be warned. It is intense and will pop the "I'm okay"bubble. Be ready to cry often and feel deeply.**